OUT OF THIS WORLD
Roland Michel Tremblay
www.themarginal.com/anarchist2.htm
www.themarginal.com/anarchist2.doc
www.themarginal.com/anarchist2.pdf
This is not Black Poetry
It is Out of this World
44E The Grove,
Isleworth, Middlesex,
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OUT OF THIS WORLD
There is something frightening
about a Bride's Smile
I Wish I
could be More Fucked Up these Days
This one
will last beyond my death
I Have Convinced Myself that I am the Best
I need more
brainwashing sessions
We are living
on a computer chip
Only
through extremes you understand
What
would you like to be later in life?
What would
you like for Christmas?
Have
you lost Faith in Destiny?
Sorry for
using you, you deserve it
Oh please let
me be happy again!
History
has got nothing to do with you
Marginalized
multi-media artist from New York
Oh God! Don’t make me
leave London!
I never want
to go to bed again
What’s
hot today that will be dead tomorrow
Are you
convinced that I am mad now?
A Psychologist
you say? Oh shit…
Everyone
needs to start somewhere
That’s it, I
will commit suicide, I had enough
I want
to vibrate at a higher frequency
And what about
this higher state of consciousness?
I have lost the will to live a long time ago
I thought succeeding socially would help me
I was so wrong
I guess I knew nothing could be big enough to make me forget
That I was never alive
Perhaps it is because I never really was
Like anything else on this planet
I know there is something beneath everything
Something else that we will never know about
Unfortunately we will never know about it
This game has gone on long enough
I refuse to continue being this lab rat
To satisfy the whims of God
I refuse to be dead any longer
I am going to live
I will built life
It will look like nothing you have ever seen
But it will be real
Oh, why am I dead?
I want to leave everything behind
I want to announce that I am leaving for
I don’t care about visa and working permit
I am leaving
The farthest point on this planet, perhaps not far enough
But I cannot yet leave the solar system
Does our love ones will understand?
Will they try to stop me?
Declaring me unfit for living?
With reason…
Don’t the Chinese need someone able to speak many languages except
Chinese?
I might end up in a call centre
Answering stupid people incapable to understand how Windows works
I might have to do this day after day
Press the power button
And get lost in there
But I will be in
Observing and Judging and Criticizing
Till death
Anything as long as I forget who I am and where I am
Anything to forget reality
Will
I need to get out of here!
I need to change my life!
I need to not be thinking anymore!
I need nothing anymore!
There
is something frightening about a Bride's Smile
A Bride's Smile
Something unnatural
Something sending shivers down my spine
Something you see in a killer's face
A Bride's Smile
Shines like a clean sink
Smells like a garbage can
Haunts you forever and ever
A Bride's Smile
Is madness
Is illogical
Is insane
A Bride's Smile
Always deep hidden interests
Always some illogical emotional reasons
Always revolting
A Bride's Smile
Is all you get on her most memorable day
Is all you get for making the biggest mistake of your life
Is all you get for a moment of insanity before hell starts
A Bride's Smile…
Is a wonderful thing!
For the first auction today
Something unique
Something white
Something that will create ripples into your life
(no, no, I am not talking about a dildo)
One Virgin Mary to go!
We will start the auction at 1 dollar
What?
What do you mean this is not unique?
Millions o
They are now worthless?
Damn!
Ok, second auction then
Something new
Something you will love to despise
Something you will like to torture
(no, no, I am not talking about a sadomasochist partner)
One Judas to go!
We will start the auction at 1 dollar
What?
What do you mean this is not new?
Seven billions of Judas inhabits this planet?
They are now worthless?
Damn!
Ok, final auction then
Something frightening
Something almost invisible
Something that will complicate your life to death
(no, no, I am not talking about a condom)
One God to go!
We will start the auction at 2 dollars
What?
What do you mean I am not frightening?
Too many gods on this planet? Too many lies? No more believers?
I am now worthless?
Damn!
How nice it is to be on top of the world again
Knowing everything there is to know about everything
Did you know you could know beyond the horizon
All the things you used to know
All thrown out the window
Oh dear
There is always another way to see things
To interpret reality
Oh god knows if without it I would not be alive
To talk about it without talking about it
God my darling
So many songs could motivate you tonight
So many people that could electrify you
And you are thinking of death
Smoking cigarettes until you spit blood
Drinking until you cannot see anymore
Did you have dreams?
Did you think you could change the world?
I do
I have the most wonderful dreams
I am changing the world
I am
Though I do not think anymore
Of wonders and peace and infinities
The horse has spoken
Destroyed my ideals
No matter
What good are ideals when you have the dream?
I won't sleep tonight
I will be awake and talking about what matters most
To drive you crazy
I will open your eyes
I will open your eyes to the real world
Being the driving force behind a nation
Thinking of new ways to be immortal
Deepest sights and glories
I'll show you, make you understand
That you do not see and do not understand
My deepest thoughts
Frightening views of the underworld
What is happening to this world without your knowledge
Isn't that great
Oh God my darling
You will see tonight what motivates a man
To continue in this world
Oh God, don't let me down
You are petty
In everything you do and everything you say
Did you know that?
There is no way out of this place
The doors are leading right back in
Bitch
Travel in Time
Not petty things, as I have seen
I have found the way
I am there in your past
Right there in your path
Silly people who do not experience déjà vu
So many stories about life and death
Have not foreseen it
The power of vibrations
The power of gravity
The power of one infamous equation
Ah!
I told you so
I knew I could do it
Now, what will I do with it?
You will never know
Take this in, take this out
Wow
I am touching beyond what was conceivable
I can do it
I can do anything
I am Einstein today
I am
I can reach out
Who would have thought that I could get there
That I could understand the whole picture
Narcissism, oh yeah
And betrayal is just around the corner
I can feel it
You have never existed
My words are reaching out
In the worst possible manner
You would have never suspected
I can write history
I can change history
I have that power beyond your own channels
There is always a way around things
Around bastards
Around bitches
Around you
Just had to fly over it all
To find the ways to get through you
I will impose myself
Impose my ideas to the world
And all I need is a proof
Proof, unbearable destroyer of this world
I am not talking apparently
They are talking for me
Does not matter who talks
As long as I am reaching out
As long as I am getting there
Controlling the faith of this world
I don't need to speak anymore
So many speak for me
They say what I wanted to say
What I wanted to denounced
The public polls are talking
This world will change
Beyond your wildest dreams
I will make it happen
I am out of this world
Wasteland
Vast wasteland in front of you all
All you were ever able to produce and protect till death
It contains your life story
Your information in the making
DNA lost and lost and lost in and around
Like a slinky going through the heavens
The snakes walking in the spiral of your downfall
3D world for 2D people in a 1D thinking process
Oh shit, have I said too much for your poor mind?
You don't see
You don't understand
Because I don't want you to
I am killing myself over you
I am killing myself for you
I am the person who will shoot you for what you represent
I am the Anarchist of your destiny
Your useless destiny
I don't need my 15 minutes of fame
To communicate that to you in a way that will never reach you
It is exploding in your face
You have never tried
To see beyond matter
Foolish destiny
You do not have the freedom of decision
You never had
Where you are now and where you are going was not written
It is happening and will happen without your consent, without your
decisions
It had to be, there is no other way
Where you are going now is computable
It obeys mathematical equations and there is no freedom of thought
Even I cannot free myself from Physics
Why bother then? God only knows
How sad must it be to know that we had no other choice than be
stupid
Obeying some sort of laws of irrationality beyond comprehension
Cannot commit suicide because there is no other way
Cannot be intelligent because there is no other way
You follow your own course, you cannot deviate
You do not choose
You do not really think
It was predetermined by nobody
That nobody that has the last laugh though it serves no purpose
Philosophy was going to happen one day
It was nice to think it meant something
Obviously it never meant anything
How else would you know exactly what will happen tomorrow?
There is no free will in this world
It is a pointless world
Can't commit suicide, it was not written in the stars
Unfortunately
Have you heard that song? I cannot mention the name here
Have you seen that movie? I cannot tell you the title here
Have you ever wondered about this author? I cannot tell you his
name here
I have seen the "censored" in the "censored" in
"censored" today
Do you know my name? It will cost you a million to mention it
Have you heard my words? It will cost you 7 millions to print them
Have you talked with my publisher or my agent? No? You should talk
to my lawyer then
I am the "censored" who did "censored" in
"censored" a few years ago
I used to have a brain, you know
I was innocent and naive then
I thought the world meant something
I realize now that it is only capitalism and copyrights
I am walking on the "censored" today
I am flying in the "censored" today
I wanted to "censored" today
I might just "censored"
"censored"
"censored"
"censored"
"censored"
Note: please talk to my agent, my publisher or my lawyer
if you wish to know what I am talking about here
Oh Dear
Oh Dear
Oh Dear
I am suicidal again
Oh God
Oh God
Oh God
I am suicidal again
Oh My
Oh My
Oh My
I am suicidal again
God help Me!
I Wish I could be More Fucked Up these Days
I was fucked up
I am still but I don’t feel it
I believe I don’t feel anything anymore
I pretend to be interested in life
I pretend to be interested in the life of others
But I am no more
I am dead
I have always been dead
Is it because I believe in something else?
Something beyond our lives?
I wish I could say that
But I don’t believe in something beyond anything
I don’t even believe in the anything
I am brain dead, I am not here, I never was
Where the fuck am I then?
God only knows
Another way to say that no one knows
Since we last spoke
I became a monster
Not only that
I am trying to find a way to become an even bigger monster
I have lost touch with reality
Not that I ever touched base with reality
I turn and I turn and I turn
Millions of projects in my head at any given time
I see them all already reality, in my head
And I wonder, which ones should I pursue if not all
No time left, sorry, none will ever see the light of day
Perhaps it is better this way
You said I was a genius
Yes, and you are not the first one to say so, I have said it myself
I wish I could believe it, I want to believe it
I know this is not true
If I had revolutionize life as we see it, I would believe it
If I was responsible for questioning our whole existence once
again, I would believe it
Life is so empty, I don’t feel anything
Are geniuses so empty?
I believe it
What did I do today?
Nothing
I am lost
Thinking about everything and nothing
I wish I could do
I wish I could do everything
I see opportunities
Bof
There is more future thinking about suicide
Another offer
Aof
There is more future thinking about suicide
Leave me alone!
Leave me alone to rot here!
That is what I want
Cherish
Cry
Wanting to die here alone
I serve no purpose
I don’t exist
What more do you want?
Me doing this and that
You doing this and that
Ouahah
Wonderful
And the world will turn correctly on its axis tonight
Revolutionary ideas
Revolutionary life
Revolutionary thinking
All dead in the gutter
Criticized to death
No new ideas today
No new anything today
Oh God, I am lost!
There is no point in anything
I am out of this world
I don’t exist here
What do you expect?
Richness and wonders?
La huitième merveille du monde?
La fin du monde?
I have been expecting it
Takes too long to happen
Nothing contents me
Nothing makes me happy
Distractions, well…
They don’t last
Happy world
Pink World
Everything is nice and expected
I need more
I need much more
More than you could ever provide
I need to get out of here
Out of this universe
To understand everything
But I already do
I am out of here
I live somewhere else
I understand everything
There is nothing to understand
I am a program
That cannot see beyond the programming
And when I catch a glimpse
I see that there is no point in going any further
Being out of ones mind
Out of this world
And see what is out there
And it is the same
The same shit
At another level
Big deal
Is there a point to all this?
Perhaps if I die tonight I might find out
This one will last beyond my death
As soon as we are born we are dying
The cells are multiplying and multiplying
They make us bigger and bigger and more disgusting
Until they multiply no more
Skin falls apart, brain cells die
Until, that is, they plug us into a computer
We may never die after all
What great news
And why would I want to live beyond my time?
God knows
It is him/her/it after all that has a plan
A big plan for humanity
A chain of events that gives everything a purpose
We may be only elements in a chain of events
We are still necessary to the destiny
It does not help if I am afraid of talking
Afraid of acting
I have a legend to construct
A destiny to build
Even though this is not my making
My thinking
I do not have the choice in the matter
I follow a path laid out there for me
What is the purpose?
To understand my choices?
Why I have acted like this on this day?
What would the why change?
Nothing
Oh God, I may be missing the point
Perhaps if it had been made clearer I would not be there now
Questioning everything and the point of it
Fuck the Bible
It does not say much
It does not say anything about the important things
The importance of destiny
Knowing the future with certainty
Changes everything
We have no choice, just the illusion of it
How can we see beyond everything
It is not possible as it is not part of our destiny
We cannot see beyond
We cannot even see beyond Theoretical Physics
We cannot even calculate where I will be in one second
Though it is possible to know
To know everything that is, was and will be
This thought is depressing
As soon as we know where I will be in one second
Then we know there is no reason for living anymore
We know what will happen
What is the purpose of living in the present?
None
The big picture will perhaps make sense
But we may never see it
Mummy is here, dear
So much love to give
So much love to desire
So much affection that I need
Where are you going?
Don’t you want to give mummy a kiss?
A kiss, the point of this whole world
I give birth
I take you in my arms
Because I love you
I desire you
I squeeze you to death
You are mine to do as I please
Dress you as I please
Feed you when I please
As long as you do as I say
Mummy is here, dear
Don’t you love mummy?
Don’t you need affection from mummy?
Don’t you want to prove to mummy that you are worth something?
That you serve a purpose?
That you deserve to live?
Don’t you want to squeeze mummy to death?
I am why you exist you know
I am the world to you
I deserve something in return
Mummy deserves everything!
I deserve the world!
Bring me the world!
Become something worthy of Jesus
Worthy of God!
I want you to be a God!
Mummy is here, dear
I know, you are a spastic
You can’t do anything right
You are the biggest failure of all
I have accepted it now
You are in my image I guess
It is my entire fault
I should have breast feed you
I should have given you a good kick in the ass
I should have locked you away
I should have… I should have…
Make you fly over it all
Tell you the truth
Make you understand better
Done all you homework for you
Make you what I wanted you to be
God!
Mummy is here, dear
Not for long I’m afraid
Mummy is dying
You are nothing
It kills me
I’m still proud
For whatever reason
You are my only creation after all
My bit of history, my continuation
Even though you are nothing
And never will be
Oh dear!
Where did I fail you?
What has gone wrong?
You useless piece of shit?
Mummy is no longer here, dear
Do what you want with your life
It has nothing to do with me anymore
Perhaps it never did
You are not mine
I have never known you
I disown you
You can die for all I care
And don’t expect to see me in heaven
You will go straight to hell
I blame myself
Why have you got a mind of your own?
You were not supposed to
You were supposed to do as I wish
What was good for you and me
What was good
Oh dear, it is all my fault
If only I did this or that
If only this did not happen
If only…
You were never born
I
Have Convinced Myself that I am the Best
Funny that when you lie all the time
You end up believing your lies
Isn't that great when the whole world is turning around the right
way
Every day!!!
I have written my own Bible, the greatest body of work ever
It speaks volume and it will forever
I can die now, I should die now
As I have done everything I set myself to do and more
As I am the best next thing, the best thing ever to be born from a
cow
I have convinced myself that I was the best
In order to prevent my suicide
And now I believe it and I am still alive
I only realize that when I am drunk
That is when I am alive
And when I am drunk I feel dead
It is a wonderful life, the one of a lazy insect
Incapable of doing anything
Of thinking of anything revolutionary
As I wanted to change the life of everyone
To bring our standards up a bit
So we are no longer cows and insects
I failed miserably
Cows don't talk and insects don't think
So there is no hope for humanity
There will never be a future for humanity
I won't change anything
I am not the best
I should be killed for my failure
And you with me for your failure
God is right not to talk to us
Perhaps in a thousand years we will be worth talking to
In the meantime, I am the best next thing
How can you judge someone who does not give a damn?
I never pretended that I was giving something worth your critics
I was only criticizing the world
And you wish to critic my critics?
How nice
Perhaps you would like to tell us about the world then
Do you have a life?
High expectations that are never met and cannot be met?
That is what I thought
Is your life as miserable as mine?
That is what I thought
Wonders is this life filled with
Cries is this world full of
Despair is your existence
Insignificance is all over and over and over
Meaningless is the word
Illogical is the term
What is there left?
Nothing
I've got big breasts
And I am thin
Give me a call
All night
Cheap
Ecstasy
Only 599
0800 number
www.sex.com
Is this all you are about?
Is this all you are?
Yes
Simple
I've got big breasts
Only 599
Give me a call
How did these old photos found their way into the mainstream?
I would love to think
That I am losing myself in the old things and ways
I love Sherlock Holmes for God's sake!
I speak the old English ways
I am living the old English ways
I am barely watching what is new
And there I am
Front page everywhere
Another nude of me
How did these old articles found their way into the mainstream?
I would love to think that I was past date
That what I was doing now was all that existed
I love Dr Who for God's sake!
I am living the British way
I am living on the no sex please we are British
I am barely aware of what Madonna does
And there I am
Front page everywhere
Another damning article about me
How did these gossips found their way into the mainstream?
I would love to think that I was of no interest
I love the Queen for God's sake!
I speak the perfect Royal way
I am living the life of a Saint
I am barely surfing the porno websites
And there I am
Front page everywhere
Another gossip about me
I guess I never asked for it
I guess I secretly never wanted this to happen
I guess there is no bad publicity
Come on then
Here is another nude of me
Here is another old article about me
Here is a juicy gossip about me
Oh dear
Only the construction counts in the end
Only the icon status counts in the end
If you remember my name
I will have succeeded
I am the worst thing that has ever happened
And I like it!
Oh
Oh
Pont des Arts
You are everything that I wish
You are what will break the mould
As long as I continue
You are mine
Dreams, dreams
Oh
I always wanted you
Secretly I long for you
The day I will enter as the King
I will have conquered you
How many classics have you produced?
Is there a place there for another one?
Oh yes
I just wish I won't have to wait for my death
You will hear my name
Though I do not speak your language anymore
They hear me in
They hear me in
They hear me in
You will hear me one day
After all you are my first and last port
Paris, Gare de Lyon
Paris, Gare du Nord
Paris, Charles de Gaulle
The Parvys of Nostre-Dame
After all everything I say comes out from you first
And reaches out to the masses
You will hear my name
One day…
Except capitalism
It will kill me
I managed to get myself 10 credit cards
I am laughing now but I won't eventually
The banks will have the last laugh
But they won't see a penny of their money
So I guess, wherever I will be then
I will have the last laugh
It was worth it
Every single penny
This is why you are reading this now
10 credit cards and a few loans were necessary
I hope you enjoy it
I guess you don't
You can fuck off
As long as I enjoy it
Smoking
Drinking
Party all year long
Yeah eh!
Hi ha!
Time for another credit card!
Do you want to see how far the rabbit hole goes?
It is infinite…
I need more brainwashing sessions
I guess I have not watched enough moral soap
Oh, perhaps I have not paid attention to the latest political
discourse
No doubt I was not listening in class when they told me what I was
supposed to do and be
I suppose that if it was up to you
You would bring me back for more brainwashing sessions
I obviously need more reprogramming as I do not fit in
Thinking differently is not
permissible, it never was
It is now tolerated and imposed by law on some moral ethical ground
Because without freedom of thought there is no democracy
And we are living in a democracy, aren't we?
Not sure why it does not pay to be different
Not sure why we all need to be identical
And think exactly the same way
I don't even see the advantages of such conformism
Must be the fault of my parents
Let's blame music and movies
Violence on TV
The lost of respect
The old ways gone to hell
Religion not being central to my life
A life without a god or fatalism
Oh sure, I would be much happier if I did believe in god and the
religion crap
I would be blind and ignorant
Well, I prefer to be aware and see
Even if that makes me sad
As I see the world for what it really is
Not a Walt Disney movie, that's for sure
Where everything is perfect and happy go lucky
Let's not talk about prostitution or death
Drugs or pedophiles
Let's talk about Jesus
The machine failed with me
I definitely need more brainwashing sessions
And some reprogramming
And then there will be no story to tell
Who was the 305th President of America?
What is the island just beside
What is the name of the sixth continent?
Who wrote Jesus Sucks Big Time?
I think you are going to fail this test
Perhaps it is because I did not tell you what to study exactly
Given you a nice 3 pages of history for you to read before the test
The thing is, my three pages focus on certain events only
The ones I have chosen, to represent history
How nice when we are allowed to rewrite history
And teach what we want to who we want
National curriculum, standardized knowledge
We all know the same stupidities
We teach them over and over again every day everywhere
God only knows how futile this knowledge is
Given to interpretation, subjective, modified to make it acceptable
I am surprised that if it is 300 years old, we usually tell some
truth
It is because we do not take responsibility for what they did
We certainly don't do that anymore
Today we are civilized, in our interpretations at least
In 300 years it might be completely different
After an army of historians went through everything
To give us their perspective on these events they have not
witnessed
Well, I have witnessed enough death in the last two years to write
many bricks
More injustice than a dictionary could hold
I suppose they forgot to tell us that only our interests were
important
Only our security
And those rights do not apply to the rest of the world
Don't worry, tomorrow we will have forgotten
Or we will have turned it into such a nice way
That our children won't be horrified
This is what is important after all
We are living on a computer chip
The world is a wonderful place
Filled with beautiful circuitry
8.6 GigaHertz, Pentium 8
A bit of energy, yeah
An electron passing by, oooh
Changing the whole configuration of the universe in its path
What a Post Card!
When I see how small the world is
I am amazed, I am in awe
I am not sure who to thank, there must be a creator somewhere
Sad that I will never be sure
Short of accepting everything on faith
The world is a fantastic place
Bits and bobs everywhere
Metallic connections here and there
It does not make any sense
What is the purpose of such a universe?
As far as I can see, it is full of opened and closed doors
Is it infinite?
God must have created this because…
There is no other explanation
Sad that I will never be certain
Short of accepting everything on faith
I do
And you must too
And I will do everything in my power that you do so
And your children
God has created this universe
And now here is a book of rules given by God
And another one
And another one
And now you will go to hell because no one can respect those rules
Where is hell?
Here I guess
Now I know where you live
Do you deserve a stalker?
Restraining orders won't stop me
Better protect your children better
Built a real prison for them, they need it
They will soon be out of your control
This is when I will strike
I will pay the price eventually
But you will pay it first
Your wonderful children
Your beautiful gardens
Your gigantic 4 million pounds castle
I will make it your own hell on earth
You are not safe anywhere!
You should start building that Mausoleum now
I don't need a reason
I don't need to rationalize it
I don't need to justify myself
I don't even need to think
I hate your children
I hate your castle
I hate you
I love to hate
Another cocktail party
Slum of the world invited
Talking bollocks all night long
What the fuck is that boring music?
Soon it will be too late
It is already too late
Now I know where you live
And you won't live there anymore very soon
The price of glory
Only through extremes you understand
6000 persons died in
Have you felt it?
6000 persons died in
You have felt it so much, my ears are still ringing
Hypocrites
You do not value life
You value the life of the people you feel close to
When you feel it could be you or your loved ones
These things need to be said
And I don't know any poet willing to tell you that any time soon
He/She would never get published for a start
I don't need this shit
I am already reaching out
I tell the truth, nothing more
I am insensitive
No more than you
I guess it is necessary to understand
To open our eyes
If millions of people need to die in order to impose your order
It is not worth it
You dying is only a consequence of your doing
Only the enemy appears to be able to see that
I wonder why
I have changed my point of you
They are right
They should kill you for what you represent
For what you allow your leaders to do in your name
Are you so insignificant that you cannot stop an injustice?
Are you so powerless that your voice cannot be heard?
You deserve your faith
Don't be hypocrites
See yourself for what you really are
Cold bloody killers
After that, I feel like a Saint!
What would you like to be later in life?
I would like to be a Marketing and Sales Executive
Why?
Because it has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
I want to be a wholesaler
Why?
Because why sell one item to one person when you can sell 100 items
to one person?
I would like to be Prime Minister
Why?
Because it sounds important, isn't it?
I would like to be an actor
Why?
Because I would be someone else every day of the week and forget
about my miserable life
I would like to be a star
Why?
Because I would be rich and famous beyond belief without the need
to think
I would like to be a judge
Why?
Because I would decide what is right and what is wrong: basically
everything is wrong
I would like to be the Pope
Why?
I don't know, fuck, why not? For God's sake, why should I not be
the Pope?
I would like to be God
Why?
Because it seems powerful… powerful enough to destroy what you are
I would like to be a man
Why?
Because then I would be someone, not just a title
What would you like for Christmas?
I would like peace on Earth
Oh don't be ridiculous, two neighbors can't even stand each other
What do you expect from the whole planet?
I would like my parents back together
Don't be stupid, by now they would love to kill each other
I would like a great high paying job where I would have nothing to
do
Let me laugh! Welcome to the real world!
I hope for freedom
I'm sorry, it is in the social contract, no freedom possible
I wish for enlightenment, illumination
You can dream, my friend…
I know, I know, I want love!!!
Love is an invention of
Ok then, I want sex
You must be pretty desperate for wanting this on Christmas
If you have it more than 10 times, you would not wish for that
anymore, ever
Unless you are a pervert, and then we need to shoot you
What about Jesus Christ coming back on Earth to save us?
Jesus Christ? Have you been brainwashed again?
Let's be realistic here, I only have one catalog of products at my
disposal
And a budget of about ₤10, so forget your great ideals
You should have told me! I want an electric train then
That's more realistic, you shall get one
Have you lost Faith in Destiny?
Sometimes the most fervent believer doubts his own beliefs
Sometimes the most certain person in the world is suddenly unsure
Sometimes the most optimistic people become the most pessimistic
There is no reason to doubt
Haven’t God always been there?
The one up there who will suddenly open the gate
Of money, successful jobs and love?
No reason to live in the dark
No possible way that once again everything will not happen as it
should be
To maximize life and rewards and perfection
Oh why the doubts then?
Why allow these questions, uncertainties and despair?
Should everything not happen before these creep up?
Does God always need to test its subjects, its creatures, its bugs?
Has he not got better things to do?
Or is it just a program fulfilling its purpose?
Or perhaps it takes time for a perfect timeline to get all the
elements working together?
I don’t have the time for that shite
Everything needs to fall into places instantly
My future needs to be drawn on the spot without the wait and
despair
I need to take on the world right now!
I need to face the ugly face of humanity while it is still hot!
I want to take over the world in my march towards freedom!
God! You are listening right now, aren’t you?
What the fuck are you waiting for?
Things need to happen fast
Or else I am going to start killing people
There are about 30 desperate persons living in my bloc
Awaiting their death for being as lost as I am
Doing nothing more productive for society than I am
What the fuck are you doing?
Are they supposed to wait there until you find something for them
to do?
Am I supposed to rot here until you find me something to do?
Or should I provoke the circumstances
Create my own destiny out of nothing?
I will take over the world by storm
My destiny awaits me
I guess nothing falls from the sky
I’ve got to make it happen
I am preparing my own revolution
And it is going to hurt
I have not lost faith in destiny!
If I were to dictate around here
God forbid
Things would work
If I were to control your destiny
God forbid
You would meet the biggest wall of all
If I were to decide to act
God forbid
The end of the world would be near
If I were to shoot you
God forbid
You would be dead
If I could control the elements
God forbid
I would be halfway across the galaxy by now
If I could devise the plans
God forbid
We would be a higher form of life right now
If I could invent life
God forbid
Life would mean something
If I could live
God forbid
I would live to the maximum
If I could cry
God forbid
I would cry
If I could just be aware for one long second
God forbid
I would see and understand everything there is to understand in
this meaningless existence
But there is no chance of that since
God forbid!
I feel like I could almost feel it
I feel like I could almost reach it
Oh, it is all there to grasp and understand
And yet it is out of my reach!
Sometimes I understand
I can see beyond everything
I can surmise how the universe works
I can change destiny
Must be because I am totally disconnected
Must be because I am mad
I am certainly crazy
Visions or dreams?
Have I told you my brain is not working properly?
I am schizophrenic
I am suffering from epileptic seizures
Hallucinations of all sorts
Useless to say that in my episodes you look nothing like you do
usually
That is how I finally connect the dots
That is how finally everything makes sense
That is why I understand the universe
That is why I understand that reality does not make any sense
Sorry for using you, you deserve it
If you cannot make sense of your life
Why not let me invent your existence?
If you cannot understand why you exist
Why not let me invent you a reason to live?
If your life is so boring that you wish to commit suicide
Why not let me turn it into a movie worth watching?
You are not even worth my attention
Sorry I took interest in your miserable existence
What was I thinking?
I must have been pretty desperate for anything interesting in my
life
You just happened to be there at that moment
It is your fault, you should not have shown an interest in me
I will now use you and you damn deserve it
Leading such an uninspiring life
And still inspire me great lines
I call that a miracle
Am I using you? Poor thing…
What have you got to lose when you have nothing anyway?
I see a well on the horizon
Quickly I go there and throw some worthless Canadian money in it
I make a wish
Will all my dreams come true?
All the changes to my timeline that I wish for?
Will I suddenly be rich and famous?
No need to do anything anymore till the day I die?
Oh you, well of my destiny
Make all my desires come true
The world coming to a stop
To see what it is they live for
I am so simple minded
So stupid that spiders creeping on the wall don’t realize
How worthless I have become
Still I have this complex of superiority
Does not make much sense
Oh, well of my destiny
Help me understand what my purpose in life is
I have lost any kind of motivation
As incomprehensible as these old expressions are
Perhaps you do not mean anything after all
Wishing well of my destiny
I am empty
As empty as you
Oh dear I went back to where I came from
I had these memories of where I had been
I could no longer live in my careless memories
Drowning in my whisky every night
Drowning in my sorrows
I had to touch again what it is that I had experienced
For the one moment that I felt I was alive
In
For a better future without realizing that this was it
Nothing better would ever come
Me dying on these garbage bags on
Writing some useless ideas that will never see the light of day
Oh god I was happy then!
It took me to go back home to understand
A lost song to bring me back there
And I left once again my loved ones
I left everything behind again
To go and live this desperate life
There is no cure to my misery
It is made of romantic and horrible feelings
The memory that keeps me going
Maida Vale and
This is not me, but it was for just a moment
A glimpse into what we are missing
Something unreachable that I have reached
And now I cannot live without it
Please drive me there
Let me die there
In this memory of a perfect moment of desperation
That meant everything
Oh please let me be happy again!
I am not sure what makes me happy
I have been the happiest at the bottom of my misery
Though I do not wish to reach the bottom again
But I wish happiness all the same
Oh please let me be happy again!
Whether it would be in the Midi of France, lost
Nowhere to go and nothing to think about
No responsibilities or obligations
Just the where I am now and what to do to think about
Oh please let me be happy again!
I could do with erasing my identity and my debts
I could do with starting from zero once again
I could wish for no possession of any kind
Nothing to my name and no food
Oh please let me be happy again!
When I have nothing and no one to love!
When I am all alone and lost somewhere I know nothing about!
When I am naked to the bone with no past history
Oh, I want to be a virgin
Oh please let me be happy again!
Let me walk on these walls by the mountain
Let me forget that I have ever existed
Let me hope that I never need to think again
I want to be a blank storage device looking at the sky
Oh please let me be happy again!
Nothing to achieve
No dream to pursue
No meaning to life to understand
No one to poison my existence
I want to die here alone…
And then I will be happy!
History has got nothing to do with you
Were you there when the first man landed on the Moon?
Yes, I know, you were alive
But have you done anything to make it happen?
No.
Were you there when the chart of rights and liberties was added to
the Constitution?
Yes, I know, you feel it to this day and you are proud of it
But have you done anything to make sure it would be respected?
No.
Were you there when the
first atomic bomb exploded?
Yes, I know, you enjoyed it and freaked out all at the same time
But have you done anything to stop it from happening again?
No.
Were you there when the world was created?
Yes, I know, you live by the rules of God
But have you done anything to preserve this creation?
No.
Were you there when Hitler was killed?
Yes, I know, you feel like you have won the war
But what the fuck have you got to do with the war?
Nothing.
Are you at all alive?
Have you at all changed the life of more than a few people?
Why do you exist?
You have nothing to do with history!
Why don’t you just die?
No one will miss you as you do not make any difference
Your useless routine
Your poor judgment
Your insignificant existence
I’m so sorry for you
You are so small
You have never created anything
You will never change anything on a massive scale
Or even on a small scale
I really don’t understand why we allow you to live
You are useless
At best you’re an annoyance
A parasite
Just like the rest of the world
It is so funny
That a desperate man
Shouts at you
And tells you that you are meaningless
I guess that if you had thrown a few more unbearable jobs his way
He would never had the time to say anything
Give him an award, that should shut him up
An OBE, oh dear, now he is royal material
Some success? What about watersheds and censorship?
He could never reach the masses unless he is pure and perfect
Unless he could never in any way insult anyone or denounce anything
So funny!
That the only way to make yourself heard
Is to be like Madonna
Nothing provocative, just at the limit of what is acceptable
To be played on MTV and sometimes be banned
Guaranteeing a number one hit
But never that deep or provocative that you would just turn off the
TV
Madonna does not put anything back into question
Madonna does not push any barrier further
Madonna is for the masses
Funny that she is still at the limit of the acceptable
The most provocative of all mainstream
That is why you have heard of her
But what you need to hear
What you need to respect
What you need to truly admire
Is not of the masses
Anyone any worse than Madonna is not allowed to go mainstream
Well, be happy thinking you are an anarchist
Listening to Madonna
You are far from what is happening underground
That, will never reach you
Do not work against me and we'll get
somewhere
People like you and me, there are
not that many on this planet
I have 6 beers in my body tonight
Which makes me understand that I
have a lot in common with you
We should not be fighting
For reasons that I cannot even
understand today
What you have to say is important
To this world sleeping comfortably
tonight
These ideals, this questioning of
everything
Is more important than anything else
We are unique
If we cannot get heard, the world is
doomed
Not that we care anyway…
Everyone’s just a sheep
They respect the path to follow
defined as soon as they are born
They do not question anything
This is sad
If neither me or you can get a job
at the moment
This is not without reason
We do not fit in because we do not
accept so easily what others go into so blindly
Why we are so desperate at the idea
of being left out is incomprehensible
The fear of not having the money to
pay our debts, our flats, our food
This is the worst of capitalism
Society that does not give a shit
about anyone
Unless we have the money to pay for
our survival
Something is very wrong with
society, not with us
We are the ones who can see beyond
all this
The mechanisms of existence that
they built
Still we suffer
We must still be blind
Let’s assume our name
And what we say in this name
I will talk
I will promise
And I will deliver
Even if it kills me
This mentality will change!
This world will change!
Marginalized multi-media artist from New York
I am Saint Karen from NY
The isolation is intense
That's why it is so refreshing to think
Why is everyone so afraid of
confrontational honesty?
I even encounter it in the angst
subcultures
It seems like fake angst is accepted
because it is a packaging marketing gimmick
But real raw existential panic is
hard for people to digest
I certainly see it in the local
music scene
Sometimes it's easy for me to feel
insecure about myself
But then I just have to plow forward
and realize that I must keep agitating the sleepy masses
I like to think of myself as Joan of
Arc
Who knows maybe she was in touch
with her nothingness
I noticed I mention God a lot
God has always been an influence
Did he eventually ever fall in love?
Did he have a 9 to 5 job anywhere in
this world?
Then he would understand what I am
going through
Well I thought a lot about spirituality
Got me nowhere, as expected
I guess I will never see the light
Condemned to walk this earth till
the end of time
Causing trouble in the mist of
Forever and ever
My vision
That is my destiny
Oh God! Don’t make me leave
Paddington is so central
To me, to my life
Paddington is all there is
White buildings, nice hotels
A bunch of videos
Some conferences
My landing in
The first time I ever saw the sunlight
Paddington is so central!
An old renewed train station
More deaths than you could account for
Some laundering money as easy as that
I saw it, I saw it all
And one guy that made it possible for me to stay
I tried to teach him French, it was a disaster
As we were not to be trusted
I lived there, I was there every day
I saw new buildings growing
I would not have been surprised to be working in Central Station
As life is so weird sometimes
It puts you right in the middle of it all
And you think it is down to coincidences
But I know better
Paddington is the start to everything
Inspiration, love, the beginning of a new life
It was snowing one day
It meant everything to me
There was a television series about it
I recognized myself
You cannot be in
You are always crossing it
To go to Maidenhead or
Paddington it is… for Heathrow
But I always had to take the Underground
Passing by the BBC, Shepherds Bush, Hammersmith
To go to work, to go home
I have lived all around
My baby is keeping me here
Despite my lack of work and money
How could I not love him?
He was paying for my burgers when I was hungry
He was buying me beer when I could not afford it
He was always there when I needed it
He loves me and I love him
Paddington is never really far,
I always have to go there again and again to go anywhere in
One day I will be able to afford some big loft there
One day I will be right there overseeing Paddington
Its weird life and surreal existence
Central Station, Paddington
You are dead as I do not see in you what I used to see
I cannot recognize myself in you anymore
I have moved beyond
I have seen much more
Île-St-Louis for a start,
I am now out of here
I am Mr. Isleworth as no one else is
Isleworth is my town
I have been living there nine long years
I am not British yet, but I am Mr. Isleworth
Only Van Gogh used to live here
I wonder what he was looking at then
I certainly cannot recognize anything here from these days
God knows what he painted while living here
Green fields perhaps, they have now disappeared
I have been told the sewers were around here
They are well hidden
All I can see is a big Tesco, a stadium and huge car parks
The
And the house of my dear friend that I have not seen in years
I have not lost any of this yet
But I fear everyday that I might
Oh God! Please don’t make me leave
And you will see the face of another reality
Take over the world
As I am full of ideas
A potential never suspected before
Oh dear, you have not seen anything yet
I am just beginning to be heard
Once I am there, nothing will stop me
Let my mind come out!
I was that close to get it all out
In the open
Almost in control of everything
Stopped at the last second
Oh, I have enough for a good CV
But nothing like it would look like if you had…
Let my mind come out!
Carte blanche
To do anything I want
Infinite budget to get there
I will get you there
Imagination
Creativity
New world and beyond
Just wait and see
I am full of it
Wisdom, ideas, never seen before
That’s me
If only you would…
Let my mind come out!
I shop at Loebs
I only buy President’s Choice stuff
I understand that the Chocolate Cookies Biscuits have as many
Chocolate Chips
as they can hold before crumbling to their death
Life can be so simple sometimes
When all you have to do is the shopping
While your husband is out there
Promoting and holding together a useless company of outsourcing
staff
Pass me the bucket, that is the first thing that will go bankrupt
around here
Outsourcing!
This is so five years ago…
How can you hope to make any money out of this?
My dear, your husband will most likely be out of business any time
soon
You better watch the Eurythmics videos
You need something extreme to wrap around your tender throat
Before it is too late
God knows what I can do
Everyday is a new day
Still, I don’t do anything new
I don’t do anything
It is killing me
Everyday could be a new day
But they are all these old lazy days
Where I don’t do anything
Thankfully I have friends to remind me
That I am not doing anything
What should I be doing?
What is it that I am doing in those parallel universes that I am not doing now?
Is it all worth it anyway?
I don’t care if I reach millions, billions of people
I just want to be happy
I just want to feel free
Freedom, you are still a long way off
What are you waiting for?
Don’t you know that I would love to live on a boat for a few years?
That I would love to borrow one of these mobile houses and go
around
Anything to get out of here?
Anything to feel that I am still alive?
Where am I now…
Lost, completely lost for sure
Completely unreasonable
Doing just what I want to do
Nothing…
What a great life!
If only it could last!
I never want to go to bed again
(so I don’t have to face any
more fucking bitches!)
I want to stay up forever
All these drunken nights, wasted away
I want to see the sun come up and feel that it is a new day
Go to McDonalds to buy a breakfast for two
For my baby that should not have to go to work
To face those bitches who make his life unbearable
It’s been a while since I had to face my own bitches
Why is it that my baby still has to face them?
Should he take a day off?
So we can go to Merseyside,
Escape hell for one more day
Before I have to face my own bitches again
Who have nothing to do but make my life miserable
I know I must seem like a worm to them
The most disgusting thing on the planet
But hey! I am alive too, you know?
I deserve some respect!
I deserve to be happy I guess
That is why I never want to go to bed again
Because the next day is the same useless day
One more day before I have to get back to work
Confront those fucking bitches who hate me for no reason
Give me whatever is necessary to get them out of here!
Give me a gun so I can shoot them all!
So I can be happy again
And my baby too
So we can go to McDonald get our breakfast every morning
Without having to face any more fucking bitches
Stuck in a Time
Oh God
I am back where I was
Where I have always been
What is it I have to learn here that I have not learnt before?
Are you not worried that I will get bored out of my mind?
That suddenly suicide will become very attractive to me?
Seeing the end of this life means everything to me
Nothing new on the horizon
Nothing new
I have tasted something else you know
I am getting somewhere, or so I thought
But I am not
I am still here
Stuck in this time loop forever
I can’t bear it anymore
I do not want that
I want my freedom
I want to live!
To explode on the universe
Have an impact beyond comprehension
I want to dictate!
I want to change the world!
I don’t want to be stuck here
I don’t want to get back to square one every damn minute of my
existence
Where’s the way out?
What can I do to change my life?
I don’t give a shit if you don’t think like I do
I don’t care if you don’t agree with what I am
I won’t be stuck in this time loop any longer
I will change everything for the better
No more authority
No more hierarchy
No more daily routine till death
No more anything you have ever known
I do not accept this way of life
I will break this loop
I will be free
I am in the void all right
I’ve gone to hell and back
That must count for something
Ok, I was not left for dead on a cold mountain
After a free fall to nothingness
But I feel I have felt much worse
For a start, I never had the freedom to get to that mountain in the
first place
Never had the chance to be suspended to a rope on the rock face
Never had the chance to experience this rush of adrenaline
To freeze to death on a cold morning
Big deal, I was born in the North of Canada you know
Freezing to death was to be my destiny
Falling to my death in the void has always been my destiny
No illumination there, I can assure you
What about all these dreams?
All that we talked about?
All lost in the void, is it?
Where am I now?
In the void…
I am in the void
I have been living in the nothingness
Was I supposed to learn something beside how ugly the world is?
How hypocrite everyone is?
How meaningless life is?
Love, love, love
What a great concept
Lost in the void
In the nothingness of it all
I can see though time!
And I despise what I see
The meaning of life was lost on everyone
We have all lost sight of why we are here
I doubt we will learn anything of any value
We all failed miserably and this life was pointless
Was there a truth somewhere?
I have never heard it
Neither have you
We are all doomed!
While in the void…
I am no one
That nobody you meet every day on your way to work
You are a marketing coordinator somewhere
You are a sales person selling god knows what
A project manager
You are a CIO (Chief Information Officer)
You are a COO (guess that one)
You are a nanny because you are useless at anything else
You cannot drive this world to the winning side
Because we are on the winning side
All of us have titles that are meaningless
It tells you a lot about what we are doing
How can we make money and make a living?
Doing this meaningless crap?
This is the great mystery
A whole family doing nothing
With great titles to crown it all
A typical American family
Having more time to waste than the whole world have to even think
Oh I know, let’s start a business
Let’s sale useless information to useless people
They need it, even though they don’t know it yet
Let’s do some publicity
1 million, 2 millions, 3 millions
Who cares?
We’ll make billions out of this
Let’s get into consulting
Let’s get into data warehousing and business strategies
Oh god I know!
Let’s get into Business Intelligence!
It is so meaningless that people will wait in line to give us money
Fearing to lose out on something
New business trends perhaps
You are better off without our pseudo wisdom I tell you
We don’t know shit about anything
You know better than I
You have made your millions, I am the poorest of all
Isn’t that proof enough?
Continue to sell wind to others, and make millions
You are on the right track
I don’t need to rape you
But don’t rape me in return!
What’s hot today that will be dead tomorrow
Quick, quick, it is the right time to cash in
You are beautiful!
You have the right product!
You are hot, hot, hot!
Everyone will hear about you
Everyone will buy your product
I will make sure of that
Who would you like to meet?
Quick, quick, because tomorrow you will be history
You will suddenly be ugly
Your product worthless
Power dead celebrity of one day wonder
Quick, quick!
Too late
Going, going, gone…
It was nice meeting you
Don’t call us, we’ll call you
That was a long shot
Even me have not seen this one coming
But yes, I now believe in God
What took me so long?
Perhaps it is that they tried everything to convince me of his/her/its
existence early on
Though they had no proof to offer
It could be those prayers we had to say in class, I have never been
sure why we had to do that
Maybe it is that my mom had the faith and I could not understand
why
Or my grandmother who could not believe in anything else
Surely I saw how blind and brainwashed she was
She could not speak of anything else, I felt there was something
wrong with her
The President of the
Using God to spit on me and rob me of any of my rights in the name
of God
And the Pope and Christianity, the biggest example of hypocrisy ever,
if I could find one
Or all the meaningless wars and all the deaths in the name of God
Though I could not even figure if he/she/it existed at all
All this certainly convinced me that God did not exist
How could he/she/it allow for such things in his/her/its own name?
The more they tried to convince me, the less I believed
But one day I put all that aside
And I started to believe
As simple as that
I now believe in God
It took me just a few decades to come to term with the brainwashing,
the convincing
The threat of burning in hell if I did not believe…
Now I believe and it comes from my heart, not from the mischievous heart
of others
Now, if I could only agree on the definition of this god, it would
be great!
I think I am dying
I must have a cancer of some sort
I smoke and drink too much
I must have one of these diseases that gay people transmit all the
time
Too much sex I guess
Could be the drugs, surely it helps to die more quickly?
Perhaps it is because I am thinking too much?
I must have a brain disease
I have hallucinations, I talk with the dead from various times
I cannot distinguish if I am the one alive or if they are
Maybe I have been dead for quite a while already without knowing
It would not surprise me
I feel I have been on Earth for at least 300 years
And I think we are not supposed to live past 100
Or are we?
My hand is being eaten alive by some flesh eating bug
Eventually they will move further and eat the rest of my body
I suppose… my GP does not talk too much about this
I believe he is just as ignorant as I am on that point
He is more embarrassed than me when I get my clothes off in his
office
Spooky…
Maybe it is hereditary
Some sort of skin disease that will eventually cause my death
My great grandparents were after all first degree cousins
I have a whole batch of aunts who died of skin diseases
Why not me?
And there are a few cats in my flat
They must be able to transmit some sort of sickness to humans
Not counting all their flees jumping everywhere
And the dead pigeons and rats they bring in
And our snakes, our snakes, they are so weird
They must be able to communicate some weird things
And every time I take the tube and these old people sneeze on me
Or these ugly fat women who cough to death over my neck
Shaking hands with all these people
They talk in my face all the time, I can smell their bad breath
Surely it is the bearing of the worst sicknesses of all?
I am due to die any time soon
God, it takes forever!!!
Every time I see the name Michael Jackson, I recognize my name
Weird, isn’t it?
I feel it is me
When I hear that song Cant Stop til you Get Enough
I feel I am the one who wrote it and who is singing it
I think I might be the reincarnation of Michael Jackson
Even though I believe he is still alive
I feel I am misunderstood
I feel I am pure, naive and innocent
Yet everyone believe I am a monster
I don’t feel black, I don’t feel white
I feel like I am a big blob who needs blood injected into me
Every once in a while
I am a living legend with a distorted life in the tabloids
Even though I am living a distorted life and the tabloids puts it
in order for me
I cannot remember having this dysfunctional family though
It is very distressing to me to be the brother of Janet Jackson
I am Michael Jackson, but on a poster, not in real life
I don’t have a brother called Jermaine, this thought is unbearable
But I believe I have a nice sister called Latoya
This I can see
I am not sure if I am a he or a she either
I am living in another realm of reality
I am well over everyone else
I have reached a spiritual sort of life through music that not many
have reached
I am no longer on Earth, I am beyond
Anyone capable of writing and singing something like Cant Stop til
you Get Enough
Is no longer with us
He is beyond us
As I feel
Connected to some other spheres of reality, of inspiration
Michael Jackson has no place in this reality
He is an idea, an ideal
No longer with us
Just as I aspire to be
No longer with you
Effective today, my name is Michael Jackson
As I always felt anyway
And I am unreachable
To you mere mortals who cannot see beyond
Are you convinced that I am mad now?
I am delirious
I walk down the path laid out for me
It goes around a Crown Court
A school yard
A highway
Still, I don’t feel concerned by any of these
I am mad
Ready for the asylum
Out of real life and out of god’s way
Is it because I live in the world of imagination?
I dream every night of the weirdest things
I am accomplishing myself in these universes that do not make any
sense
Even though it makes more sense to me than real life while I am in
it
Life is a nightmare that I can only escape while dreaming
There I am free
If only I did not have to come back, to wake up again
Sleeping away during the day forever
Laziness to its limits
I never want to go to sleep, but in the morning I don’t want to
wake up
I am delirious
I do not walk any laid out path
The Crown Court, the school yard, the highway
I have imagined it all
Why I am stuck there every day is beyond me
I must be a ghost trapped in between times
Looking for a way out of my misery
I need a psychic medium to see more clearly
To show me the light out of here
I wish to live in this wonderful world of dreams
And I don’t want to control it
Escape towards the infinity of ideas
Where nothing makes any sense
Where one minute I am this and there
And the other I am that and somewhere else
This is where I have been hiding for the last few years
Everything I have ever wrote came from there
Just a big autobiography of my other lives in the dream world
Plenty of other personalities
Plenty of mental disorders
Plenty of nonsense realities
Where being mad is just the norm
A Psychologist you say? Oh shit…
When you told me you were a psychologist
I did not stop right there to tell you to fuck off
What a mistake
How can you pretend to know everything, is beyond me…
I told you how sad I was
How small I was
How terrible my past is
How suicidal I’ve always been
I opened myself completely to you
Suddenly you turned against me
You told me how sad I was
How small I was
That I was not good enough for you
That I was not up to your expectations
Then you told me that this was not meant for me
But to another patient of yours
I don’t know at what stage you were with him
But considering that I almost killed myself over this
I would be surprised if that other guy survived
Then I thought some more
Oh, you are a psychologist then
Great job you do
Playing around with people’s mind like if you knew everything
Great invention of this society
Expediting our suicides while playing around like this with us
I have often lost faith in just about everything in my life
But never so quickly about something so specific
Let me tell it to the world right now
Keep away from anyone calling himself or herself a psychologist!!!
They will quickly expedite you out of this world
To everyone’s relief I’m sure
Don’t trust them, they don’t understand what you’re going through
They know less than you will ever know
Because they have never been where you are now
And they never will be
Only trust people as crazy as you are
Only trust me
I will sort you out
If I can sort myself out first
Eventually…
It is a long process, I know
But who cares?
Get a grip on reality you bugger!
I know you don’t want to get a job and get back to this miserable
reality filled with bastards
But it is the only way to get money and survive I’m afraid
Enough self-pitying and about how miserable your life is
We are all there you know
We can’t stand it either but we have no choice right now but to
play that stupid game
One day we’ll make them pay, I can assure you
But not now, not yet
One day
Now, get out and find that lover you deserve
Forget everything else, you need that to start thinking normally
After that you can get back to philosophy and probably you will see
more clearly
Forget psychologists, they know shit
Forget your parents, they know shit
Forget your teachers, they know even less
Create your own life
With your imagination
Dream the life you always wanted
Just like me
And then you will exist in your dream world, at the very least
Just like I do
And fuck the rest
When suddenly I have proven you wrong
When suddenly I realized I knew more than you will ever do
I may be young but old age does not bring this wisdom as it was
always thought
On the contrary, you will quickly bring this world to an end
And you dare calling yourself wise
Telling me I have no culture
Telling me I am worth nothing
Telling me I know shit about this world
I guess you were talking about yourself
Because I don’t feel so powerless
I don’t feel that I don’t know anything
I would feel great anyway for not knowing anything about you and
your culture
I don’t give a shit about all that you have learned in your 60
years on this planet
I wish I never got around learning even the basics of it
I only know because you obliged me without ever asking me
I was too young and too stupid then to tell you that it was all
meaningless
You can die happy to know something
It will always be nothing anyway
Because you failed to understand what was truly important
That all that crap is hollow
I pity you… more than you pity me for my ignorance
I pity you… for your ignorance
People experience déjà vu, fine, I do too
But lately it is more than just a moment of déjà vu that I have
been experiencing
Its whole days, whole weeks
I’ve been to
I went to
Even though I never went there while alive
People send me their photo and I have seen it before
This is madness, my whole life is a déjà vu!
I have lived that life before!
I have lived my whole life before!
I guess starting to think about it opened this can of worms
I assure you, I have seen it all before
This is no imaginary time loop
I am stuck reliving the same events over and over again
I even had a dream about it
opening my eyes
There is something wrong with reality
Something really wrong
We are the prisoner of the same reality that changes every day but
just a little
Again and again for an unknown purpose
We are stuck in a real time loop
And I am not certain if there is a way out
God, have I seen too much?
More than I was allowed?
I am perplexed and not sure why I should continue
I am fed up
More than you will ever know
Of this déjà vu…
I don’t want to continue
I have lost interest in everything happening to me right now
I am fighting anything I may have done before that I don’t want to
do again
This is meaningless
It does not serve any purpose that I am aware
Life and its configurations
The mechanisms of existence
It all escapes me
And until I know more and get a good reason to relive this reality
over and over again
I will stay in bed and die there forever
I don’t believe in myself
I don’t believe in you
I don’t believe in God
I don’t believe in society
I don’t believe in civilization
I don’t believe in democracy
I don’t believe in capitalism
I don’t believe in socialism
I don’t believe in anything
I believe in worms
I believe in elephants
I believe in giraffes
I believe in monkeys
I believe in plants
I believe in rocks
I believe in water
I believe in fire
I believe in everything that does not come from humans
I don’t believe in you
Everyone needs to start somewhere
This is where I started
Mopping the floor
Packing the groceries for you madam
Delivering things to the world
Making club sandwiches and pizzas for the planet
Out of desperation come great things
Out of misery come revolutionary philosophies
Out of hell come big new political systems
Give me a break
I am sick
Great things are never great for too long
Revolutionary philosophies have always been questioned
New political systems always fail the people
Everyone needs to start somewhere
Unfortunately
Everyone needs to end somewhere
This is where I ended
Mopping the floor
Packing the groceries
Delivering things
Making club sandwiches and pizzas
Just how it should be…
(And out of control)
I thought I was nothing
I was about to accept a job as a janitor at
And then suddenly I got the best offers someone can dream of
Believe me, being recognized for what you really are and can do is
a privilege
By the top people in their fields
Even better
How do I feel?
I don’t know
I do believe in dreams
Hard work does pay
I could be at the top tomorrow morning
I was offered the greatest contracts
someone can hope for
The biggest promises anyone can receive
How do I feel?
I don’t know
It’s like being R.E.M.
Wanting to do what they do best
And make millions out of it
But remaining what they have always been
I don’t know
I don’t fucking know
Please give me a way out!
What if I am not up to the task?
What if I do fail miserably?
I don’t believe for a second that I will
Still, I need to mention it
To think about it
To prepare my way out
No one thinks like I do
I am a weird one
I am out of this world
Perhaps I am not worth millions
Perhaps I am worth nothing
Except for that lost one on the same
wavelength as me
What if I can only reach that one person?
What if no one understands me except that
lost one?
I would have lost you time
I would have lost you millions
I would have lost you everything
I don’t think so
Because I would have reached that lost one
That one who would think like I do
And that means more to me than your
millions
And that means more to me than everything
else
I have but one goal
Save that lost soul rotting somewhere in
this world
I will save this fucking planet
Even if it kills me
And your millions would do nicely
To get me to save them
I am out of this world
And I intend to remain there
No matter what happens
That’s it, I will commit suicide, I had enough
I had enough
Of your dreams
Of this unexpected breakthrough
Of these infinite possibilities
How I got myself in such a situation
That I have 5 days left to live
Before it is all over once again
Until I find the next idea
The next solution that will get me going for another 5 days
I can no longer live like that
I had enough
I refuse to continue
To hope for a better life
To hope for all my dreams to come true
I have made my decision
I will commit suicide
Gone!
Gone this life I dreamt of
Never have I been so close
I don’t care
That’s it
I had enough
One more drink is all that I need to finally connect the dots
I won’t dream anymore that someone will come and save me
This only happens in films and maybe not
I’m as good as dead
I cannot pay anymore for all my faults
I cannot live anymore for all my dreams
It is all beyond me now
I am as good as dead
I will commit suicide
Never felt so dead in my life
Never wanted to be so dead
I have thousands of responsibilities
Money over my head
Expectations
Still I never intended to do anything
To die here is all I ever asked
I will find a way
To disappear forever
On the dawn of my success
I hate you
I hated you even before I spoke to you
You are everything I despise
How on earth I ever thought that reaching you
Would be my way out
Is beyond me
I don’t need this
I don’t need you
I don’t need anything
I just need to die
That’s what I need
I will not work for anyone ever again
I will not ever contact anyone again
I will disappear forever from anyone’s
sight
I am out of here
I am out of life
I will lose my name
I will lose any sort of description and
history
I was never here in the first place
I never wanted to be here anyway in the
first place
Be happy reading these words now
Because I don’t think they will be here for
much longer
I don’t intend to be remembered
I don’t give a shit about immortality
I will commit suicide
I have finally reached rock bottom
I never thought I would reach it
I always hoped for something, anything
Now I know it was all bollocks
I am not expecting anything from God
I am not expecting anything from anyone
Because even a miracle would not save me now
Something has changed in my brain
I don’t want any savior anymore
I don’t want to be saved
I am beyond hope
I have known it for a while
I did not want to admit it
I have tried so hard!
To get out of my misery
And now I don’t want to
Fight anymore
Survive anymore
Hope anymore
This is my will
Delete me
Delete my life
Delete everything!
I do not want to have existed
I was never meant to be!
I am a mistake
Why was I ever born?
I did not want to!
I don’t want this life
I never wanted it!
Let me go!
Let me die!
Please, I’ll do anything!
Anything to have never existed!
I was not meant to be
I was not meant to exist
I need to correct this mistake
I need to be deleted
I need to die
I have a nice dick
Not too big, not too small
Enough to drive mad enough people
Obsessed with dicks
And they certainly are everywhere
Never suspect the power of it
One simple piece of skin with blood in it
Free of any disease (which is rare these days!)
I’ve used it more than once
To get things I never got
I must be stupid or something
I don’t know how to use my dick, silly me
Given the opportunity, I would be somewhere today!
And all I would have to thank is my perfect dick
All those ideals now gone forever
I will have to succeed on my own merits now, silly me
I should have taken advantage of my dick much sooner
I still have a nice dick, but I am 31 years old
Not what big influent people would like to see in their bed, I’m
afraid
I should have strike when it was the right time
I should have used my dick when I was still young!
I should have shown it to the unsuspected world then!
Oh well, succeeding on its own merits still have some respectability
If I ever succeed that is…
My dick is still available
I don’t care if you are a man or a woman and how old you are
I am willing to put it in your big mouth
To stop you from telling me bullshit
I just want sex!
I don’t want to hear what you can do for me
I know it will never happen
Only hard work gets you anywhere these days
So shut up and just eat my dick!
Every night I dream of green fields
Wherever they are
That is what I need to fall asleep
I always get back to that
Green fields
Peace of mind, peace
From you, your existence, your babblings
I always need a break
Dream is my escape
There I don’t really exist
There are no consequences
No memories
I don’t know where I come from
I cannot remember anything superfluous
Nothing that can be linked
to a useless name
To a life of some sort
I am out of here!
Nothing will ever save me!
I’ve always known that
Sad I never did anything concrete about it
Except walk around endlessly
In what I thought was my little universe
It is way too small!
Look at the stars!
It is infinite!
What am I doing here then?
God knows…
I was not meant to be human
I was meant to be the Universe
I am supposed to create the world
In 7 seconds
Every day
As many worlds as is necessary
To get lost everywhere every second of the day
One day I am here, the next I am there
I am all over the place!
I am everywhere!
As many places as I can think of
As many universes that I can create
An infinite amount of me in as many universes as there are
I do not know of any reality
I’ve never known of anyone’s existence
This is the beginning of a new destiny!
Splashed over the stars and galaxies
This is where I belong!
There are green fields everywhere
Even in the darkest spots in the universe
Where no one ever went and will ever go
Let’s face it, you do not need to exist
I see you every day walking everywhere for no reason
There are billions of you and you are not bothered by that
How useless you are in this mass of the same thing
Countless human beings with no brain
Not one of them wondering why they are here or alive
Should not deserve to be here or alive
There is place for only one soul in my green fields, mine
And mine alone
I don’t see billions of faces
That all look the same to me
With the same stupid story to tell
Ahhh! Emotions, feelings, love, conflicts, a desire to assert
oneself
You’re all the same
You are but one person!
But not with me
I am the Marginal
I am the Anarchist
I am out of your identical and meaningless identity
I am the one apart from the masses
I do not understand you
I do not want to be part of you
I do not walk like one in between you when I walk brainless around
you
I look at you all and I wonder
I am not part of this
I am not like them
I’m not sure why
I just know
I don’t belong here
Just because I understand that all this is meaningless
That I am only one in billions
I know I am not the same somehow
I know I am different
And I know you despise me for being different
I know you do not want me in your society
You know I don’t belong there
You hate it when someone is not like you
You hate it when someone stops to think some more about the world
You hate it when someone is different, you don’t want them there
They could question you, judge you
They could question why you exist
They could understand how small you are
You know
And I know too
You think there are billions of different personalities
You secretly know there is only one and the same personality
And you share that same identity with everyone on this planet
I am different, I am unique
And thank God for that!
Otherwise there would certainly be no point in living
With a useless job title to justify some sort of meaning to one’s
existence
I have my corner of the universe
I possess one little house somewhere
Let’s locate it by satellite
Here it is
That dot lost in between countless dots
That’s you!
Proud achievement!
Useless achievement
I live in my green fields
And they are nowhere to be found, for you that is
Anything for an easy life
Any lie to make everything acceptable, presentable and sellable
Lying my way to success is my pseudonym
Whatever makes them happy
Whatever makes things happen
Getting that ball rolling!
Is my only reason to exist
If a good lie will do the trick, I will lie
In the balance…
Just friendships
Relationships
Business
Millions of dollars
Success or failure
Lying my way to success is the only way
Why should I say the truth?
Why should I destroy you when there’s no need to?
Your favors are much more important
Your help to get me somewhere
I can almost touch it!
I am right here in your shadow!
Ready to make it all happen!
Ready to make a success of just about anything!
I will lie my way to success!
I’ll make my own millions
I will prove everyone wrong
All my sacrifices
In the name of money
Not in the name of art
As art does not mean anything anymore
Art does not pay the artist
Only commercial success does
The only language family can understand
They are too realistic to comprehend
Too ignorant to make sense of it all
The artist is long dead
Capitalism now speaks for everyone
Proves a point
If it does not make any money
Well, you missed the point
You do not understand what art is
There was no art to speak of in the first place
Art is unimportant
And the day you make millions
You can thank your family for not supporting you
For not understanding anything about your life
For destroying your dreams even when you were so close to success
Forget your dreams, they say!
I won’t and I don’t care about them anymore
I won’t try to make them understand
Sadly they will when I show them my millions
Sadly they will just confirm my failure
That art no longer exists
Only money means anything to anyone
Only money can justify one’s
art
Only money can justify one’s existence
Long live money!
And to hell arts as we knew it
“Crisis, an opportunity riding on a dangerous wind”
Don’t know where that comes from
Someone said that to me one day, not sure why
Can’t remember who either
Must mean something
I must have thought it was important
I guess my life was in crisis
As it always is anyway
Is it an opportunity then?
Gosh, I must have thousands of opportunities riding around
Sad I cannot see any
I guess crisis is not such an opportunity after all
Or the wind is really dangerous
And I’m about to crash
Missing that opportunity
Oh well
It won’t be the first time
And it won’t be the last
Stupid things people say sometimes
Does not help at all
The lost soul in crisis that I am
Sorry mate, better luck next time
Your saying won’t go down in history
It’s all bollocks
Who said this?
It’s a Chinese proverb…
Adopted by Harry Bates,
peak performance psychologist for
Olympic athletes and CEOs
I guess many athletes and CEOs must have been in crisis
and needed to hear that it was not useless
I hope they did not crash after all
Friends and family
They just want to control your life
They want to make your decisions for you
Because they know best
They have no hidden agendas or petty interests
Start insulting your friends and see what happens
Surprisingly, you won’t need to insult them much
To realize that they will let you down instantly
And no longer be your friends as if they never were
Even after 10 years of hard friendship
They will be gone just like that
Just ignore them for a while, they’ll get the hump
Tell them you want to see them naked
They will run away thinking you’re a maniac
Tell them you had enough of their fake friendship and that their children
are useless
They’ll be so insulted they’ll never contact you again
As simple as that
And what about family?
That is more complex
It is not that easy to get rid of them
They believe they own you
They say they love you
But what kind of twisted love is that?
When they order you around and wish to control your life?
In the name of family duty
The same laws that prevents you from ever reaching freedom
Ask them for money once
If they are still there, they won’t be the second time around
I can assure you
They will quickly rally a family meeting where they will discuss
your case
And alleviate their guilt for failing to help you
By justifying their decision on the basis that you are a lost case
There is no hope for you
Why help you?
When we can just as well let you die…
You are only worthless after all
Not a very good investment
The question is, why the fuck do we speak to them
When we have big decisions to make
If when everything goes wrong
None of them will be there to help you?
They will never tell you what you need to hear
They will always suggest to you the safest course of action
The boring and useless life is all there is for you according to
them
A risk free zone, living around the corner from them
Obeying their commands
If they wanted a computer for a son
They should have asked for one
Losing a friend is so easy, it is ridiculous
One wrong sentence and it is all over
No one is your friend, this is all an illusion
You can’t count on them, neither on your family
Where does that leave you?
Alone
Completely alone
And free
But better realize you are free before you get to the point you
realize you’re alone
Otherwise you’ll never be free
They’ll make sure of that!
They will continue to make your decisions for you
Pretending they’ll be there if anything goes wrong but they won’t
Tell them all to fuck off!
And be free!
You think you know your friends and family
You think they will always be there for you no matter what
That they love you sooo much!
But you don’t know them until you are really naked and alone in the
street
And you ask for their help
They will then set so many impossible conditions…
That you will soon realize you have no friends and no family
And that you could have had an easier life if you had understood
that much sooner
Friends and family is your biggest obstacle to overcome
In order to achieve your dreams
The sooner you get rid of them
The better off you’ll be
Drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
I’ve been drunk in
And you know what?
It’s no big deal…
I want to vibrate at a higher frequency
I usually only vibrate at a low frequency
It is because my parents told me to do so at an early age
Then I met a guru of some sort
He told me to vibrate at a higher frequency
I said ok, I want to give it a try
Where do I start?
Well… hem… well…
Where do I start! I repeated
You just do it!
I said ok, I will give it a try
Mmmmmh Bahhh Arumbaya
I am still only vibrating at a low frequency!
I can’t do it!
Don’t you have a machine or something?
Like in these sci-fi movies?
I am new to this new age stuff
I cannot just meditate
And suddenly leave this planet
I need a teletransporter to teleport me into the higher dimensions
I need a high magnetic field to fuse me with the universe
I need a nuclear weapon to vaporize me out of here
I really want to vibrate at a higher frequency!
Unfortunately mind over matter is just not working in my case
My brain is useless, I would need a positronic brain
I need a phase discriminator to phase me out of reality
To create a distortion to the right phase variance
And a subspace generator and a tricorder to interface with it
To create a phase displacement outside your perceptual range
I need to built a transceiver assembly to track the timeshift
And crystal fractures that can focus the spacetime distortion just
like a lens
Using triolic energy as a power source
To manipulate the synchronic distortion by maintaining a contained
subspace force field
That should do it!
That is what I will need to build
To finally vibrate at a higher frequency
So don’t tell me you can do just that with your small puny brain
I just cannot believe it
Perhaps you are not vibrating at a higher frequency
That would explain it
And what about this higher state of consciousness?
I really want to reach a higher state of consciousness!
But what the heck does it mean in the first place?
I cannot even begin to imagine what I would need to build to reach
that
If I were to fry my brain in a pan with onions, would that help?
I must have a USB port somewhere at the back of my head
Or at the very least a parallel port, or even a serial port damn
it!
Somehow if I can connect myself to the computer and the Internet
I might reach a higher state of consciousness
Otherwise there may still be a way to connect me to the fridge
At least I won’t go hungry in the higher spheres
Oh god, I’ve just awaken the neighbors
In my search for a higher state of consciousness
They certainly have a way to bring me back on earth
I should eradicate them before going any further
They called the police on me once…
The bastards
But that’s another story
Right, where was I?
Ah yes, reaching a higher state of consciousness
Right…
I guess in this case I will just take some drugs
And hope for the best
I must have a spirit guide as apparently everyone has one
Even two, three, four…
But mine is speechless
He or she does not seem to care much for me
I’ve been trying to communicate with him or her for a while now
Someone told me it is because I am blind and deaf
That’s why I cannot see or hear anything
I personally think my guardian angel is a spastic
It would explain why he or she never seems to help me
Or communicate anything to
me before shit happens
I want to communicate with my guardian angel!
Right, what to I need to build for that one?
A DAT recorder capable of playing in reverse
And taping high and low frequencies
A camera capable of recording the whole frequency range
Some infrared spectacles
Microwave goggles
Laser cannons
And what else
I will never get in contact with my damned spirit guide
He or she will never direct me to the right place
Tell me what to do
Explain to me the mystery of the universe
Predict the future
Help me build a spaceship
Useless, useless guardian angel
Why am I the only soul on this planet
Incapable of communicating with my guardian angel?
I guess there is really no hope for me
I am denied everything
I am not worth directing to success
Glory and richness
I have been abandoned by everyone
Even God
I’ve been accused
Once again
To be more pretentious than the pope
What is it with people these days?
You can’t tell them how successful you are
Without them having a fit
I don’t think I have a superiority complex
I believe everyone else is having an inferiority complex
Not my fault if you have no ambition
Not my fault if you’re miserable in your empty life
Not my damn fault if you are useless at anything
Don’t blame me for getting somewhere
Don’t blame me for reaching out to the world and succeeding
Don’t blame me for your own failure
If you cannot digest it
I suggest a quick death
It would solve all your problems
And mine
I must be the most ironic person on the planet
Thinking everyone is intelligent enough to see this
I am so stupid
Irony is lost on everyone
There is no hope for anyone
None of them can see the game I’m playing
What I am denouncing
They just see a confirmation
That these monsters exist
And I, of course, personalize this monster completely
Isn’t it great
That in one single person
We can see everything we despise the most?
I hope you are working at destroying me
As this needs to be denounced
Monsters like me
Latest news
The pope has read my books
They are trying to get me banned
Censored
Excommunicated
That would be the day
Oh dear, the pope himself has read my books!
I never thought I would reach that far!
A direct link to God
Can you imagine?
God is now aware of my existence
That’s a result
Perhaps he will do something about the misery down here
I suppose like everyone else
He will miss the irony
The sarcasm
In order to make a point
A point lost on everyone
I guess he is not that intelligent after all
If he cannot see further than you
I think we should kill every Jewish person on this planet
And every Christian
And every Buddhist
And every Hinduist
And every Islamist
And every Judaist
And every Sikh
And every gay person
And everyone else
Is this irony still lost on you?
I am sure it is…
There is no hope for you
Our many gods might understand
I hope for my sake and yours
Irony is such a misunderstood concept
That’s why I love it!